Bitter Sweet

Tonight the house is quiet. Too quiet. Taylor is sleeping and DJ is working. I'm caught up on homework, cleaning house tomorrow and tonight I'm just lounging out. In all this quietness I got sad. A bitter sweet feeling came over me and I got a little teary eyed.

You see, 4 years ago on a night like tonight I was hanging out in our new apartment, folding and hanging baby clothes for the little girl still inside my tummy while watching the Sex in the City movie. DJ was working, I was nesting. At this point we didn't know I was going to be induced but I wanted everything to be perfect for when our little one came. I remember texting with DJ telling him what I was doing, how I was feeling. I remember talking to Taylor and telling her how cute her clothes looked inside her closet. I couldn't believe how little they were. I remember rubbing my belly every time I felt her move and loving that feeling more than anything in the world. And sometimes I miss those private little moments of just me and her.

It's her birthday week and it's hard to believe she will be turning 4. She will always be my 'baby' but now she's really going to be a little girl - not a baby, not a toddler. She'll be a young lady. It makes me sad. When she was born my dad told me not to blink because she would be grown up before I knew it. I should have listened.

Last night DJ looked down at her while she was sleeping and said soon she would be as tall as we were. He's right. She's growing up way too fast. I asked her last week to do me a favor and stop growing. She just looked at me and said 'uh no'.

I love the little girl my baby has become but it makes me so sad to see how fast she's growing up.